1. Dating A Single Mom Reddit
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About a year ago a woman with the username “unfitmom” posted a very real, and very raw post on Reddit. In the post she reveals that as a single parent to a 3-year-old daughter with virtually. Understand her priorities. The number one thing many single moms want potential partners to know.

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By Chantal Saville

Photo © tedcraig/Twenty20

Jul 24, 2018

As if the idea of returning to the world of dating in one’s mid-forties wasn’t daunting enough, having sole custody of one’s child at the same time brings the whole notion to a crashing halt. Or at least it did for me.

Nikki was four when her dad left and we moved in with grandma. I couldn’t even imagine dating at that point. I got it into my head that, even though I had a built-in babysitter, Nikki would perceive my going out as further abandonment. Of course, most four-year-olds perceive nothing of the sort as long as their needs are met, but I worked myself into quite a state about it and decided to put off dating until she was older.

Fast forward to Nikki at age 9 and I am still not what you’d call an active dater. Trust is a big issue for me, so the very idea of letting someone into our lives is hard. But I’m also hampered by the fact that, as a sole custody parent, I don’t get time off. I am with my daughter day in and day out, year round. Other divorced parents who have a co-parenting relationship can leverage their time without their kids to experience the world again, but I don't have that luxury.

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While co-parents can have rules like 'any new friend won’t meet the kids for 6 months,' I probably can’t realistically pull that off unless I want to pay the babysitter most of my income. But exposing Nikki to someone new who might not be around in a month seems cruel, given her already uprooted childhood.

What’s a mom to do? A smart mom asks other moms how they handled the same or similar situations. The problem? Of the divorced moms I know, only one did know how to handle my situation. And since she is way ahead of me in the dating game, I picked her brain a little and this is what she had to say:

1. Expect that you will feel guilty about leaving the kiddo at first but work to change your thinking: getting back into the world is about your well-being. You’re entitled to a life and you’re allowed to be happy and fulfilled. In fact, you’ll be a better parent if you are, so drop the guilt.
2. Tell potential dates, whether you’re meeting them online or otherwise, that you are a sole custody parent and so your time is limited. And no, you can’t up and fly to Paris for the weekend. If they don’t get that, they’re not right for you.
3. If you’re online dating, spend a lot of time getting to know someone before you even set up a date. You don’t want to leave your kid with a babysitter just to find out that they are a dud.
4. Try to stretch out the time before your new friend meets your kids for as long as possible. You might not make the three month mark, but at least you will limit your child’s exposure to people who might drop out of their lives.
5. Talk to your kids about this. You can’t hide the fact that you’re dating from them. You can’t sneak out in the cover of darkness (unless your child is a baby), so you are better off to be honest with them. Explain that your wanting to date doesn’t have anything to do with them, or how you feel about them.

Relevant Reading: The Struggle of Online Dating as a Single Parent

When I first broached the subject of dating with my daughter, her first reaction was, 'Why? Aren’t I enough?' Lately, as boys become objects of some interest, she’s starting to mellow her attitude. Also, she needs me a lot less than she used to, which makes the whole process easier.

All in all, kids are pretty resilient and they want you to be happy because when you’re happy, you’re in a better mood and more likely to buy ice cream. No, that’s not really the reason, but it’s a start. Being a sole custody parent doesn’t have to mean giving up your life; it just means you have to be a little more careful in the choices you make.

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Dating A Single Mom Reddit

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Reddit Single Mom Dating Site

Why online dating is good

It’s interesting how, with certain patterns, you can make a great online dating profile.I spoke with Whitney Perry, the founder of the Single Online Dating Guide, who shared a great analogy.If you are wearing a dress that has zippers up the side, you can show what the dress looks like in a different way to different people by zipping it up a bit. The same thing is true for online dating profiles. With different profiles you can show a different side to different people. Maybe your body is a little softer in some photos, or you are extra shy and don’t like the camera or you have a weird-looking nose, or maybe you are cool in person but not so much on paper. When you show a different side to your online dating profile, people get a better impression. Your profile is less like a resume and more like an item you are trying to sell. So, unless your marketing team is a super awesome, skilled team, online dating profiles should only show what you like. You are trying to get out of a space where people are going to feel the need to make assumptions about who you are. And if they do, they are wrong. You don’t have to have an amazing job, amazing car, or money, and you don’t have to be super outgoing, friendly, smart, attractive or wear a dress that reveals a lot of skin or be a brunette.

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